


Become More than Just a Burden

by orphan_account



Category: Falsettos - Lapine/Finn
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Author Is Sleep Deprived, Bittersweet, Bittersweet Ending, Canon Compliant, Canon Gay Relationship, Canon Lesbian Relationship, F/F, Fluff and Angst, For a Friend, I Tried, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Idiots in Love, M/M, Past Abuse, Past Relationship(s), Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Sad with a Happy Ending, Separation Anxiety
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-29
Updated: 2020-06-29
Packaged: 2021-03-03 21:40:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 719
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24982486
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Cordelia never realised how much it would hurt when Charlotte left for work. As most things do, she ends up reflecting.
Relationships: Dr. Charlotte/Cordelia (Falsettos), Whizzer Brown/Marvin
Comments: 2
Kudos: 13





	Become More than Just a Burden

When Charlotte announced she had received the job after the telephone call, Cordelia had been absolutely thrilled. Before there was so much anxiety, about bills, about what their employers would do when they found out about their living situation. 

So why did it hurt when she kissed her goodbye the first morning? The entire drive home she felt something terrifying, she pulled over because she was scared she might crash, and then she started crying and panicking and everything felt wrong. 

She just sat on the couch and sipped wine from a half full glass. She would never forgive herself if Charlotte came home with lengthy stories about her coworkers and she was blackout drunk. She took tiny little sips, like a child, because she felt like one. 

There's something so pathetic about staring at the clock waiting for your spouse to come home and not paying attention to anything else. She never realised how lucky she was when they were younger, and best friends who saw each other almost hourly. 

She especially didn't realise how lucky they were just a week ago when they were driving to a dumb carnival, laughing and smiling. 

She definitely wouldn't look back and think she was lucky now, crying on the bathroom floor, but also ridiculing herself for the clingy-ness of it all. She would convince herself it's gonna be over soon and almost stop, then remember she's going to leave again this next morning. 

She used to cry on the bathroom floor a lot like this, she thinks, but it wasn't out of love or even sadness. It was of fear, when her husband was nearing coming home, specifically. Especially when something had happened she couldn't fix so easily, he always knew, he always knew. 

When she realised she was a lesbian, it was an out, literally. Now she had a good excuse to leave, it wasn't quite as terrifying as it was freeing. When they got married a man reprimanding his wife was average day business, as normal practice as grounding a child or putting a dog's nose in its defecation. 

When she met Marvin and he felt the same pain as her, without the reprimanding and more of the marital problems along with homosexuality, it was so exhilarating. He understood her more than another person could anywhere, even if they weren't the same. It still hurt to be different sometimes. 

When she met Whizzer in the early days of his and Marvin's relationship, she was so scared, because she saw it. She knew it when she looked in his eyes. 

Even on his best days, it was fear. 

His best days were also filled with love, but there was always fear. Always. No matter how diluted with love it was. 

His bad days were filled with boxed wine and painkillers, unfortunately. When those days started getting less of a mental note and more of a yelping and a deafening screaming in her head. She sat him down with a glass of non-boxed wine and didn't allow herself to cry. 

After the "worst days" stopped, the worst days were more of a gossip, because they were silly little fights. They were laughing about Marvin being the straightest gay man on planet Earth. Cordelia could breathe easy with Marvin after that. Relieved she didn't have to curb stomp him, mostly. 

When the lock started making noise she immediately shook awake. Weeks before Charlotte started officially, she would read almost obsessively newspaper articles about hospitals exploiting junior doctors, about them working 100+ hours a week. She felt a looming sense of panic everytime, because that was the truth but what if it wasn't? It couldn't be. 

When the door handle moved down as it was opening, she looked at the clock out of habit. It was three in the morning and the tears didn't stop after that, everyday would three in the morning be the time she came home? Why? She knew why but why? 

"What's wrong?" she spoke in reassuring whispers to her, immediately dropping her bag and kneeling on the bed next to her, Cordelia fumbled and couldn't say her words. Charlotte just hugged her close, "I missed you so much." Cordelia stated, accentuating the 'so' for effect. 

"Me too."

"More than that. You're a doctor right?" 

"I hope so."

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading my first ao3 fic! it's so much nicer than wattpad omg. pls leave comments!!!


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